The Bittersweetness of Nostalgia

"Some memories never leave your bones. Like salt in the sea; they become part of you." ~Unknown

Nostalgia is a bittersweet emotional state characterized by a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past. It blends the joy of recalling happy memories with the slightly painful realization that the moments are gone and cannot be recovered. I find a lot of similarities between nostalgia and grief. Both emotions carry pain and sadness, mixed with the happiness of another time.

When I think of nostalgia, memories from my childhood often flood my mind. I grew up in a time when kids still rode their bikes through the neighborhood, ran through the sprinklers, made mud pies, spent most of the day at the park, and camped out in the backyard. Some of my favorite memories are from before the internet became a thing. Long before social media made us feel like we had to keep up with the hottest trends.

One of my earliest memories was my discovery and instant love for the band Def Leppard. A popular hair band of the 80’s, Def Leppard has released twelve albums since 1980 including my favorite, Hysteria. During one of the many road trips my family took, my brother was gifted the Hysteria album on cassette. Returning from the road trip, I begged and begged my brother to let me listen to it, to no avail. When he was gone one day, I snuck into his room and stole it. I then proceeded to put the cassette in my Teddy Ruxpin and played it on repeat for several days. That is, until my mom found out and made me return it back to him. Needless to say, my brother was not happy about it.

It was then that my love for rock music had been born. I long to be able to go back and hear it all again for the first time. Knowing what I know now, the songs have different meanings for me today than they did back then.

Another favorite memory of mine is actually made up of multiple memories. My grandmother was a huge influence on who I am today, and I spent a lot of my childhood at her home. She raised geese and ducks, as well as kept a vegetable garden. One of the things she taught me was how to tend a garden in order to prepare for storage; an invaluable skill that I still know to this day. Her homemade bread is something I will always miss. She had a heart of gold, but don’t you dare ever cross her. My grandmother may have been a petite woman, but don’t let her short stature fool you—she knew how to discipline unruly children.

Since her passing in 2017, the only thing I have left of her is my memories. I ache for the day I will be able to hug her one more time and see her smile. I hope to leave my mark the same way she did.

As painful as it is to admit, one day all we will be are memories in someone else’s mind. Don’t let the illusion of success keep you from building a life worth remembering. Enjoy life in the now, be content with who you are and what you have, and don’t forget how to have fun. Life is too long to be spent miserable and alone. Give your heart fully to living and everything else will work itself out. Don’t be afraid to show the world who you were meant to be.

Until the next Spark,

Kat