What Family Means to Me

"Having a place to go is a home. Having someone to love is a family. Having both is a blessing." ~Donna Hedges

Most families work the same way. A set of relationships that are intertwined and become like branches that grow from a tree. A foundation that is so intricate it has the ability to stretch out and affect the other life forms nearby.

When most people think about what family means to them, they will likely tell you it consists of parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, and grandparents. Family is not always the ones you share a name or DNA with. If you grew up ostracized or the black sheep, the word “family” can have very negative connotations attached to it. However, the phrase "found family" makes it feel like it is no longer a bad word.

Found family or chosen family is a term that has been around since the 19^th century. It originated within the LGBTQ+ community as a way to create safe spaces and support networks. Many were forced out of their homes and had no place to turn to. People who faced rejection from their biological relatives or society relied on these chosen bonds to survive and thrive.

The people who we choose to love us become the ones that are our ride or die. The ones we call when we are in need. The ones who will love us unconditionally, but will still tell it to us straight when we mess up. The ones who go to bat for us and do right by us. The ones who may have to make hard decisions when it comes to our health. And even the ones who still enjoy our presence knowing our faults and messy human-ness.

Most of my life, I have struggled to find this kind of connection. I have severed many friendships and relationships by avoiding problems that can arise. Better late than never, I had to learn the hard way that being vulnerable is what makes relationships stronger.

Forming relationships as an adult is difficult enough, but it can be harder if you live with some type of neurodiversity like I do. I was bullied relentlessly as a child which contributed to my very low self-esteem, and a need to seek validation from others. I’m learning now that there are people in this world that make waking up every day worthwhile.

My chosen family consists of people from many walks of life.  My partners, my church family, close friends, and people I know within the homeless community. Someday, these relationships and friendships will blossom into something more and then my family will feel complete. For now, I’m so thankful that I finally have people with whom I can share my thoughts, pains, and joys. My love for you cannot be measured by words alone, and I will spend the rest of my time making sure that you know this to be true.

Until the next Spark,

Kat