Forgiveness: A Letter to My Father

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" ~Ephesians 6:4

Yesterday was Father’s Day. And I have mixed feelings about that day. I have my reasons for my apprehensive attitude.

I suffered a lot of pain at the hands of my father and still hold a lot of bitterness and resentment towards him. A part of me wants to forgive him, but that would only be for my benefit. Something I have learned through the years is that resentment often hurts the person carrying it more than the person who caused it. Not because the harm wasn’t real, but because carrying the bitterness indefinitely can consume the life you still have.

(Forgiving someone does not mean you have to forget what they did.)

My father will more than likely never take accountability for his actions, but I can let go of the hurt in order to heal myself. And that’s the part that matters most.

I have been processing some things and working to change myself for the better. I almost called you today. Instead, I write this letter to you today as part of that process. I don’t want the rest of my life to be filled with anger while feeling like I’m always having to look over my shoulder. I deserve peace, love and joy. I deserve to enjoy my life the way I see fit, and I can do it without limitations or input from you. You caused me a lot of pain and though it sometimes still hurts that I will never have a caring relationship with you, I still forgive you. I need to move on and become a better version of myself. You were apart of my past and some of the reason I am who I am today. But you will not have a place in my future. The only people that will be at my side are the people who love me and support me. Though I know you won’t admit and take accountability, I have to do this for myself. May the Lord bring you peace in the days to come, and may God have mercy on your soul.

As personal as this post may be, the words needed to be said. Even if this never reaches him, I was able to say my piece. I can only hope that my father recognizes his demons and asks God to purify his soul before it’s too late.

Until the next Spark,

Kat