Life 101: 20 Lessons I Didn't Learn in School

"Life isn't finding shelter in the storm. It's about learning to dance in the rain." ~Sherrilyn Kenyon

1. Hope and faith give life purpose. Having a life purpose does not mean grand ambitions, or striving for bigger and better. However, having high expectations allows us to become something we never could have imagined. Unfortunately, some of us may fall short of our expectations and have to rethink about what our true purpose is. I had great plans for my life and I was not able to accomplish much. However, I have learned the most important thing. I have learned my purpose. My true purpose is simple: to live fully and wholly while giving full faith to whatever comes next; knowing it will all work out in the end. I wake up every day with the hope that I have the ability to make someone else’s life better just by being myself.

2. Growth and change requires taking risks. I’m not referring to activities such as skydiving, free-diving, motor racing or any other activities that increase your chances of severe injury or death. The risks I’m talking about are small, but can add up to new opportunities and a growth mindset: changing your career path, starting a small business, relocating. I was never known for taking risks. I tried to do life by being safe, which kept me stuck in the same spot for way too long. Taking risks gives life excitement, and allows us to see how far we can go if we step out of our comfort zones. The biggest risk I have taken so far, besides shaving my head, was traveling alone in a foreign country. It is the most liberating thing in the world to just go without a single plan on where you’re going.  Since coming back home, I find I am able to brace the day bolder and more willing to take on anything I set out to do.

3. You have to fight for what you want. Life isn’t handed to you on a silver platter, and entitlement doesn’t get you very far. If you want something bad enough, you have to go and put in the effort to show the world how far you’re willing to go for the things that matter. I had to fight tooth and nail in order to get this far in life. And I did most of it by myself, with little to no support. There were times I didn’t want to keep fighting. I was tired of fighting. I fought most of my life to have the privilege of existing. I may not have much to show for my life, but the fact that I am still here and still going shows that I can do whatever I set my mind to.

4. You can’t change the world, but you can change the world for others. I may have traveled a lot, but I still haven’t been able to solve some of the world’s problems. With 8.3 billion people in the world, it can make my efforts seem futile. I don’t expect to be able to solve world hunger or house all of the homeless, but I can help at least one person have a brighter day just by being there to support them. By being unapologetically myself, I become a beacon of joy to those in my inner circle. Like a ripple in the water, that joy has the ability to spread to the ends of the earth.

5. Life has struggles; don’t let them keep you stuck. We all know struggle: bills, debt, family life, the feeling of being less than. Struggle is a constant in our lives, weathering storm after storm coming out the other side stronger for having endured the hardship. If we never grow from struggles, we may never find out what we are capable of. My whole life has been one struggle after another. From growing up in abject poverty, the market collapse of 2008, to Covid. I did it all while suffering major financial downfall and, at times, homelessness. All of those situations have made me who I am today; strong, resilient, resourceful. I have learned to handle the things that life throws at me with ease. I still stumble from time to time, but I don’t let it keep me down for long. I always bounce back up and keep moving forward.

6. Being normal is overrated. Most of my life was spent trying to fit in. My crippling social anxiety kept me from wanting to stand out. However, the harder I tried to blend in, it seemed the more I stood out. As I have gotten older, I realized that most people are too busy worrying about themselves to care what everyone else is doing. So don’t be afraid to put on the bright clothes, go for a bold new hairdo, or make a total fool of yourself. The world loves those who are authentic and genuine. Leave the fakeness behind and be brave enough to show the world who you really are: a beautiful and perfectly chaotic human being.

7. The only constant in life is constant change. Life happens in cycles. Birth to death. New moon to full moon. Spring to winter. Months of the year and days of the week. No matter how hard we try, we are never able to make time stand still. Yet, as we age, things are always changing. We don’t notice the small minute details happening every day, but can look back at photos or videos and see how far we have come. Our personalities even change as we grow and mature and learn new things about ourselves. I look back at old photos and realize that I no longer recognize myself. I’m still the same, yet also completely changed. But who I am today is worlds apart from who I was.

8. Forgiveness is not meant for you. The only ones to benefit from forgiveness is ourselves. We can hold onto the hatred others have caused us, or we can let it go in order to heal. Don’t wait for an apology in order to forgive, as it is likely to never come. I have spoken in a previous post about my father and the trauma I suffered from him. I now live with mental health issues that may never go away. Holding on has only caused me more pain than if I had the ability to forgive him sooner. This does not mean I will ever forget what he did to me, but I can let go of the hurt in order to find peace.

9. You can only find yourself by looking inward. Some of us are privileged enough to get the opportunity to travel the world. We fill up our passports, create memorable moments, and meet amazing people in order to go out and look for ourselves. But as someone who had the chance to travel, I realized I don’t have to go to the ends of the earth in order to find out who I am or what my life is supposed to mean. It was only after I had set foot back home that I saw my life’s true purpose and what I’m supposed to do. Living with a chronic illness that is terminal, I have been able to see life differently. Life is meant to be lived simply: surround yourself with loved ones, make time for passions, and embrace the diversity of those you meet. Live life according to your own rules and give grace to those doing the same.

10. You build character by actions, not by intentions. You know the feeling. Your to-do list keeps growing but you never actually get anything done. The “I’ll get to it when I find the time” list. We have good intentions: household repairs, clearing the garage, or emptying out our email inbox. However, we have to put in the work in order to accomplish those tasks rather than putting them off. Discipline means doing the things we don’t like, and that is the part that builds character.

11. ADHD is not the quirk you think it is. People hear the term ADHD and assume it means you have a very vivid personality. In some social settings we put on a mask and pretend everything is okay; we have it all figured out. Around the right circle of people, we are more willing to open up and let others see the real us. But there are times it can be really debilitating. We have poor time management skills and executive dysfunction keeps us paralyzed. We end up overwhelming ourselves just by thinking about all of the tasks we need to complete. Instead, we just doom scroll or go back to bed. On a day when you actually have energy, we send ourselves on a series of side quests. They may seem fun, but at the end of the day you look around and nothing actually got done. You tell yourself “I’ll do it tomorrow” but tomorrow never comes. And the same things still haven’t been done. I have learned that the right people will understand and lend a hand in helping us get our life back on track. If you struggle like I do, don’t be afraid to let loved ones know what you’re going through.

12. Never wait until you’re ready. This one ties in with a couple of other lessons I already spoke about. Motivation doesn’t come easy to people like me. We lack the dopamine needed to have the drive to do things we don’t like. Discipline and a system in place is the only way we are able to participate in adulthood. One system that comes to mind is the timer method. Set a timer for 2 to 5 minutes and race the clock to see what you can do in that time frame. You would be surprised what can be done once you start. Don’t wait for motivation to hit or to “feel ready”. Just start the timer.

13. Kindness and compassion go further than hatred ever will. We see a lot of hatred in the world, especially with the current political climate. Racism, homophobia, classism, and pure distaste for fellow man. Sometimes I need to turn that off and remind myself just how good the world can actually be. One of my favorite things to brighten my day is watching hopecore videos. Humans bringing joy to the world through kindness. We all have seen those videos, right? A man rescuing a dog from a flood. A little girl shares her meal with a homeless man. The landscaper who will mow the lawn of a widowed elderly woman. My faith in humanity grows exponentially each time I see the compassion others share with each other. I had the wonderful chance to experience my own form of kindness from others when I traveled abroad last year. The grace people showed me even though I wasn’t a citizen was beyond anything I ever could have imagined. I was able to backpack my way from city to city from the help of others. I would not have been able to make it back home if it weren’t for them.

14. Your past does not define who you are. We all have a story and most of those stories start out the same. Somewhere along the way, our environment shapes who we are and who we become. Our story may have had abuse, absent parents, or addiction. That does not have to be the ending of our story. We can rewrite the ending and become something wholly different. If your anything like me, you often got told you would never be good enough for anything, that you don’t matter, that you’ll never amount to much. As I grew into adulthood, I learned that I can be anything and do anything that I wanted. The sky’s the limit. I took the negative and made it into something positive. I have learned how to be compassionate, caring, and loving towards others. And that is how I want my story to end.

15. Don’t lose your childlike wonder. As children, the world is full of possibilities. We take in so much information in a short period of time. The world feels magical, yet mysterious. We soak up knowledge like a sponge. We’re learning new things each day about the world around us. We have the desire to be anything and do anything we set our minds to. We learn, explore, and ask questions. As we age, though, we lose our carefree attitude and let the world tell us who we are supposed to be. We let the world break us down. We become dull and lifeless, going with the motions of life. We become bitter and resentful people who no longer know the definition of joy. But we don’t have to end up like that. We can hold on to our inner child and still experience the world just like we used to. There is still so many things left to learn.

16. Not everyone is going to like you. Just like you don’t like everyone you meet, there will be people who, for whatever reason, don’t like you. You don’t have to like everyone, and not everyone is going to like you. This one took me a long time to learn. I was a habitual people pleaser and did things because I thought it would make people like me. In reality, I got manipulated and taken advantage of. Every betrayal felt like another knife in my heart, until there was no heart left. I built walls to keep people out. I became cold and emotionless, rarely letting myself get vulnerable. It was only recently that I stopped trying to be liked and just live for myself. Once I did that, I was able to see who my true supporters were and who only wanted something from me.

17. You’re stronger than you think. People have told me I’m strong. I’ve never really known that to be true. I don’t feel strong. I know my flaws, I know my weaknesses, I know the times I’ve failed and the mistakes I have made. But maybe I’ve been misunderstanding what strength is. Strength isn’t never breaking; it’s finding a way to put yourself back together after falling apart. I have dealt with a lot, more than I ever care to admit. Yet, I’m still here, still willing to give my all. For too long I have measured my strength by how often I struggle, rather than by how often I keep showing up despite those struggles. The strongest people I know are the ones who know how to be vulnerable and ask for help when things get too hard. Asking for help is not a weakness, and it doesn’t make me any less than to reach out to others and be willing to be open with my struggles.

18. Gratitude reminds us of our blessings. In a previous post I had mentioned that gratitude and contentment allows us to live simply. It helps us to find happiness rather than chasing the next big thing. When we live with gratitude, abundance will surely follow. We are joyful with each new gift or opportunity that comes our way. The more joy you have, the greater the abundance. Life will still have hardships, but we can’t let that keep us from enjoying the things we do have in our life.

19. Grief shows us what’s really important. After hearing of the severity of my illness and the prognosis, I grieved for the life I had imagined for myself. In the end, I was able to come to terms with it and whatever my future may have in store for me. Through my grieving process I learned that there are way more important things in life than worrying about what everyone else is doing. At the end of the day, the only things we should focus on is caring for our loved ones, showing kindness to ourselves and others, living each day the best we can, and doing what we can to make the world a better place. Everything else is just a bonus.

20. Don’t shrink yourself to fit anything or anyone. There will be people who think you’re too much. Too loud, too sensitive, too emotional, too ambitious, too positive. There’s a difference between being willing to grow versus changing yourself for the comfort of others. Shrinking yourself isn’t humility. Don’t be afraid to be who you are. Society tries to force us into neat little boxes, but that’s not what makes the world a beautiful place to live. People come in every shape and size, fair skin to deep chocolate brown, speaking languages from every corner of the planet, and different physical capabilities. Embrace your diversity and don’t let anyone tell you how to be. Live your life according to your own rules and leave the haters in the dust. Step out of the box and instead find a space big enough to grow and evolve.

I can’t go back and change my experiences, but I can take the knowledge I have gained to give myself a better future. The lessons I’ve learned throughout life are numerous; this is just a list of the ones I find most important. Learn from my mistakes and do better than I did.

Until the next Spark,

Kat