Find Peace Through the Hard Times
Depression, grief, loss, mental illness, fear, and trauma. Often times, we are forced to face the things that make us uncomfortable. Instead, we avoid the negative and turn to substances to drown out the noise rather than taking things head on.
In my life, I have had my fair share of horrible circumstances. I made many bad choices and denied having any problems. I blamed others for a lot of my issues. In the end, I only ended up hurting myself more. That’s not say that others weren’t involved in my trauma.
I had the unfortunate luck of being dealt a bad hand. I wouldn’t wish anything I experienced on anyone. No one deserves to have to shoulder that much pain. This caused me to spend my life fighting nearly every day to not want to delete myself from existence. A life spent fighting to survive is not a life at all.
Life will always have obstacles, but we can only control our own actions and reactions when bad things happen. After many decades, I finally started taking a proactive effort in taking control of my mental health. Thanks to therapy and my reclaimed faith, I am able to finally face my past and the horrible things I went through.
And then I got the worst news of my life and it seemed to bring all of my efforts to a crashing halt.
Or so I thought.
I had my “oh woe is me” moment. With the news of my late stage four chronic kidney disease, I had a genuine fear of what was to come. I spent a couple of weeks severely depressed and absolutely ready to give up on everything. But then, the most amazing thing happened.
A miracle, if you will.
I have not been very spiritual or religious in my life, but my grandma certainly was. She has been giving me guidance and signs that she is nearby. With her help, God talked to me in a dream. Ever since then, I have felt the presence of the Holy Spirit.
My grandma wasn’t a celebrity. She was just a woman living as best as she could with what life gave her. She had seven biological children as well as six bonus children. My mother was her second to youngest child.
She made sure to send them into the world with the tools and guidance to be the best version of themselves. She was disciplined, yet so full of love. And my most favorite memories of my childhood have her in them.
She reminded why I was put here on earth. And it put everything into focus. From this point forward, I am making healthy changes to prolong my time here. There are people in my life who want to keep me around for as long as possible. And I want to be there for them as well.
Regardless of how much time I may or may not have, I will do all I can to help others. That is the goal; to make an impact in my own little way. I don’t have to change the world. I just have to make my world better for those who are a part of it. My grandma did that for me and now it’s my turn to be that for others.
I know that no matter what happens in the end, it will all be okay. Good or bad, it will be okay. In the Bible, God tells us “Do not be afraid. Do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
Until the next Spark,
Kat
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