You Deserve to be Here

"You have made it through your worst days, yet you are still here. Be proud of that."

!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!!

Yesterday was World Mental Health Awareness Day. As much as I wanted to post something, I just couldn't bring myself to be on social media. I was dealing with my own personal mental illness and so I spent the day wandering the local neighborhood, having lunch in the park where I was feeding pigeons, and reminding myself why I am still here. Because too many times I have tried to erase myself from existence. Too many times I had refused to see my own worth. Too many times had that dark place been my only friend.

If you have been in that place, you know what it feels like. You start to run out of answers and question if you have what it takes to even keep going. You begin to isolate from friends and family because you don't want to feel like a burden. All feels hopeless, and each day you sink further into the dark space wondering if you'll make it out on the other side. It feels like you're under water and can't tell which way to go to break the surface. It's scary and you start to panic. You try to breath but suck in water instead, and you start to feel yourself drowning. Just when things start to go black and all is forever gone, something pulls you out.

"Not today," a quiet voice says. "You still have so much living left to do."

How is it possible to keep going on with the day to day after an experience like that? Do people fully come out of it and recover? Short answer, yes, you do make it out but not without cuts and bruises.* Eventually, life becomes bearable again. You get to witness small miracles; little wonders of joy and find reasons to want to live. And not just live, but thrive. You find hidden passions you had forgotten about or didn't know you had.

You find reasons to keep getting out of bed and being present. It is small at first. It is not about "one day at a time", rather "moment to moment". Second by second, you get better. Minute by minute, you are able to breath deeper. And day by day life doesn't seem so hard. It does get better.

It really does get better.

I am living proof that we can make it through the hard times.

I heard someone once say "You have made it through your hardest days, and you are still here. You should be proud of that." Whether or not you believe that, let me be the one to say, I AM PROUD OF YOU FOR STILL BEING HERE AFTER THE HARD TIMES. YOU DESERVE TO BE HERE TOO. And you are not a burden.

If you know someone who seems to be struggling and self-isolating, check on them as they more than likely won't reach out first. Sometimes, we just want someone to be there. Someone to listen. Deep down we don't really want to self-delete, we just want the pain inside to stop.

If you or someone you know is dealing with mental illness and needs help, please call a crisis hotline immediately. And always check on those who may be isolating.

*FOOTNOTE I'm speaking metaphorically, but sometimes we cause our own cuts and bruises. For those who SH, know you are not alone, and as cliche as it sounds, it does help to talk to someone. If not a close loved one, reach out to a hotline. Our problems, however miniscule they may seem to others, don't go away on their own.

CRISIS HOTLINES ARE AVAILABLE 24/7-

USA 800-273-TALK (8255)

UK LONDON: 0800 0234 650

UK MILTON KEYNES: 01908 724365